I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Your cock deserves a montage
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
