I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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