At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
