why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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