I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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