it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
