you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
