Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
