the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
