I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
