11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
