Plan B is the new Plan A
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
