Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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