Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just forgot I was standing up.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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