I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
