The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Randomize
