K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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