My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
