batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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