dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
