ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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