I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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