Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
