She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He has the fingertips of a God
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
