It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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