i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
