I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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