It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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