he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
