Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
