I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
