My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
even my farts smell like vagina
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
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