Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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