i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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