Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
