dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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