He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
