well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
