Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
