The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
