You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
