i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
