does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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