i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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