My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
