I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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