Are we in a gay sports bar?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
two words...techno handjob
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
