he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
