If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
