I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
