i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
