He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
