So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
