i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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