There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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