shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
