At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
it was like eating out sand paper
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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