Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
