Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
