I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize