dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
