I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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