3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
why do cheetos always look like penises
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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