Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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