party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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