I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm jealous of your bromance
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Randomize