I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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