Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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