Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I intend to get homeless drunk
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
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