watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
