hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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