The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
