so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
