Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
