When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
