Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
