U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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