Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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