clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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