I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
