You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
