i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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