my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
