okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
